I lied
God has blessed me with a VERY long vacation from wearing oxygen. I have been so thankful with praise and I can't even explain to you the things He has shown me during this time. I said I would be utterly thankful for however long this lasted ( and deep down, deeper than I initially thought, I am) I said that if I woke up any day and noticed that I needed to wear it I would because I am thankful...I lied! I'm bummed that my body is begining to whisper for a little help... I'm tempted to ignore it (I guess you can say today I have). Is it possible to be thankful and hurt at the same time? I'm not ready for this and I'm really hurt. I know all the right answers...they are all here with me...I just need a little time to accept them. I KNOW that HE has a bigger plan than I can see...I KNOW that HE is the one who sustains me...at this very second though I ask WHY?? And I feel a little like an angry teen who just got grounded for the weekend...this is
just a "very in the moment" feeling and I needed to cry on a shoulder but didnt want to have a face in front of me when I did it. Thanks for being there with your shoulder...now I go and continue my conversation with God.
Jul's
Sent via my iPhone ; )
3 comments:
you have such a genuine, honest heart and God hears it, groans and all:)Thank you for allowing yourself to be transparent because it shows us all that we are human and that at times life hurts. I will be praying for strength, peace, wisdom and understanding as you question Gods purpose for it all.
I can relate to being so thankful and at the same time so confused, angry, and impatient!!!
I'm sorry sweetie! I know you are thankful for the month off of the tank, but just think- you'll be even so much more thankful when you never need it again!!! :) Praise God that He is in control, and you WILL have those new lungs... someday! I love you sister, G :-)
Learning complete dependence on HIM is never easy... thinking about you today ;)
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