We will figure out this incident. It has been reported and we have eye witnesses of Max the dog getting out two days in a row. When his owners come home after being gone for several hours he is found laying on the porch at the front door. This case remains open.
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Today is three months with my new lungs! This is a huge milestone that I am very excited to have reached. It's an emotional one for me on so many levels too. These past months have brought me through things that I never thought I would have to endure. I have experienced many emotions through it all joy, love, patience, pain, hurt, loss of a friend, hope, anticipation, excitement, anger, confusion, and happiness! Geez how can all of that have gone on in three months?
Today I will go off alone to reflect, pray, and praise God for all HE has brought me and my family through. I will finally write my letter to the family of my donor. I have looked to this day and known that this was going to be the day that I allow myself to fully FEEL AND GRASP all that has happened. I feel the pull, as I type toward, my quiet place...where I know God will be right next to me and allow me to lean on His shoulders for a couple of hours.
It's a good day! It's a GOD day!
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There comes a new life with this healing. A new way to live. A new hope. A new trust. A new understanding. And yes, in creeps, a new fear. These things don't magically go away just because you are healed. I think part of me thought this "new" would be "perfect" and maybe even easier than my prior lot. Why would I think that when I know better? Maybe it's because I have been filled with such hope, thankfulness, and joy! I have been thrown into a new trial...well, maybe not so much trial in a bad sense...more like a new way to trust God. A new way to lean on Him. One of my concerns pre-transplant was that I NEVER wanted to forget how much He sustained me. Never wanted to take for granted what He has brought me through. Overall I don't think I will. But being "normal" again, as much of a blessing and miracle it is, makes me feel so many things that I never thought I would have to go through. There is so much emotional stuff that goes along
with complete healing. I am learning. Learning to do so much. Learning to BE so much more. Learning to allow so much more. Learning to be aware of not flinging the doors too wide open, yet.
I didn't think I would have the emotional trials, still. But God has a plan and there's a reason. So I will rejoice, I will remember, and mostly I will listen to my teacher and learn. Because I can't yet make sense of all that has happened.
I grabbed a coffee, opened the sunroof, turned on the iPod, and started my drive. I had a choice, take the coastal scenic route or the busy bumper to bumper freeway. I chose the freeway. I know it sounds nuts. Who would do that? Well, someone who hasn't had the oportunity to be busy in quite some time. I haven't been "allowed" or "able" to drive out of the city in a year and on top of that have never in 6 years driven myself to UCLA for a doctors appointment. So I was looking forward to this. I felt like an independent woman. Someone who didn't need a "babysitter" or a "caretaker". A normal person! I loved being just another car on the busiest freeway in California.
I arrived a little late. Remember, I said it was bumper to bumper. I rushed in to the building and I'm talking "rushed". I was walking REALLY fast. I remember at one moment taking it all in and hearing the sound of my heels click clack loudly with each step. I was amazed in that instant at how far God has brought me. The struggles along the way are nothing compared to the freedom I now feel. To walk myself into a doctors office, to drive myself, and to take care of myself. HE has gifted me with the ability and has wiped away all inability.
My simple drive gave me so much more than a day in traffic. It gave me the reminder of how precious life is and how blessed we are to be ABLE.
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