Bumps

While praying for healing for so long you learn to trust God and lean on Him completely. Of course it's not something you learn quickly. It takes you every single day of your life to do. We are called to do this in our daily lives but all too often we get stuck in believing that it is OUR life and OURS to do with. Being healed has obviously been the biggest blessing I have ever received. I have learned so much these past 6 years and I would not go back and change them for anything! No way no how!

There comes a new life with this healing. A new way to live. A new hope. A new trust. A new understanding. And yes, in creeps, a new fear. These things don't magically go away just because you are healed. I think part of me thought this "new" would be "perfect" and maybe even easier than my prior lot. Why would I think that when I know better? Maybe it's because I have been filled with such hope, thankfulness, and joy! I have been thrown into a new trial...well, maybe not so much trial in a bad sense...more like a new way to trust God. A new way to lean on Him. One of my concerns pre-transplant was that I NEVER wanted to forget how much He sustained me. Never wanted to take for granted what He has brought me through. Overall I don't think I will. But being "normal" again, as much of a blessing and miracle it is, makes me feel so many things that I never thought I would have to go through. There is so much emotional stuff that goes along
with complete healing. I am learning. Learning to do so much. Learning to BE so much more. Learning to allow so much more. Learning to be aware of not flinging the doors too wide open, yet.

I didn't think I would have the emotional trials, still. But God has a plan and there's a reason. So I will rejoice, I will remember, and mostly I will listen to my teacher and learn. Because I can't yet make sense of all that has happened.