I have been meaning to spend some blog time on my Analiese. I must say the frustration of raising a child that is exactly like me does not out weigh the happiness. I tell ya! This little girl never ceases to amaze me! When we went on our trip a couple of weeks ago she showed us her true spirit. You know those moments when your kid, or anyone for that matter, just shines in an inexplicable way? They just do and it is such a time of beauty to experience. I actually saw what she will be in heaven, the true her, the pure soul, the child God has made, and his unconditional love in her. Our trip had been going perfectly, always a sign of things to come, when on the fifth day Manuel's back went out. We were at Bryce Canyon in Utah, had just arrived and picked up the girl's Junior Ranger packet. He decided before we went to see the canyon he would take Bella to the bathroom. Well that did it! All he did was lift her up to wash her hands and he was done. He was in such pain when they came out of the bathroom it looked as if there should have been some blood involved. I was instantly annoyed. I wasn't sure how bad it was and was so mad at the timing of it. I actually got mad at him too for not using his knees the way he's supposed to. I know it is ridiculous of me. Since I have apologized so don't worry. I at the time though was mad because I couldn't do all of this stuff alone and he couldn't even walk so now he wouldn't even get to see the canyon. I thought, how was I going to take the girls to these spots alone, how was I going to put the ice chest and luggage in and out of the truck, and how was I going to take care of him? I have grown so dependent on him and now what? So the girls and I went and saw the canyon (highly recommended) and I had some quiet time to pray and get over myself. I had to say "down Julie, down". When we got back to the truck he just looked so sad to the point of tears for letting us down. What had I done? I made him feel bad. How dare I. I put that in check right away and let him know that it wasn't his fault and he had nothing to be sad about. I told him that somehow I was going to do it, not to worry! In my head I knew that there was no way I could. Well we stopped off at lunch and I told him "you are going to go in with us and you're going to use the wheelchair whether you like it or not"! I opened up the back of the truck, somehow hopped up into it and looked up and saw my little angel. Analiese had hopped in from the tire side and was already unhooking the tie down straps and bungees to the luggage and wheelchair. It was something out of a movie. Here is this little 60 pound girl literally flinging the luggage to the side and undoing straps that were really tight. She managed to get it all out and all I had to think about doing was getting the wheelchair off the bed and onto the ground. I tried and then tried again when a man walked up and offered to help. Analiese carried bags from the store, carried her sister, and was so happy the whole time. She never once stopped to think about it. She just stepped up! She is an awesome girl, she just amazes me. She has stepped up so many times over the last year, but this was jumps up not steps. I think back to the visual of her and all she lifted, threw, and carried and all I see is superhuman ability. It seriously was like a movie. THE POWER OF GOD! In my little girl! He used her, the only one who could that day, and she accepted!
Because she likes to read my blog...
Analiese, I love you so much! I will always tear up remembering this day. I told you on that day what it meant to me but I want you to remember that God used you on that day and you accepted without thought. I know how you will be in heaven, how you will shine here and now, and I am more proud than you'll ever know. I rejoice in knowing my pride and love for you and for feeling only a spec of what our ALMIGHTY FATHER feels for you. Love~Mommy
