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Dr. Isabella O

All of my bloggin' pals have proven to be true blonde's, minus Amy! Okay ladies here is Dr. Isabella O. Y'all know my babies name is Isabella! I mean come on who else would say "sewgewie" and say I needed one but yet was "all bettew"! Thanks for the laugh though! I must say that Liz started it in the comments! I guess my blog has gotten too serious, or as Dr. Isabella would say "seewious". Especially if y'all thought some British doctor would see me on a Friday night from her home! I really shouldn't laugh this hard! I'm off of the blog for a week and this is what happens?

P.S. Manuel just told me "you are who you hang out with honey"! So yes I am glad I am not the only one having blonde moments.

Another Doctor

Last night I had the pleasure of having a consultation with yet another doctor. I really liked that she could see me on a Friday night. I was told that I still need to have "sewgewie" (surgery, she has the coolest accent) and that I am "all bettew" at the same time. Wow! How many times do we get told that? Her bedside manner is not the best that I have seen. She is a very busy person so I can totally excuse the commands that she gave, "turn around", "look at me", "you have have to listen", and "don't move again". She's all about getting her way. I will have to post some pictures later but if you are searching for a great doctor I have found her! Trust me I know the good ones from the bad ones and this one I will keep.
Her name is Dr. Isabella O. and she practices out of her home.

Miss...

p.s. i'm going to call this my pre-script. I am only writing this because sometimes I can be too strong and as I work my scared times out with God I think I need to be honest to all of you about me. So this is only ten minutes of a down time. These times come and when they do I work it out with God. As I do this I will write it out too! Sorry for the length.

So my dear friend Liz posted a blog the other day that I just loved. She wrote about the things that she will at some point miss from her kids. I loved the thought of cherishing the little things our kids do and then writing them down as being some day missed. So, I sat down to blog some of those things right now. Yesterday I thought this would be fun, but today...I thought. So as I sit here and think about this I cry. I cry because I WILL MISS. It's more real for me right now! I will miss it all. I I I I I I I I I I! My human self wants to sit here and say I MISS! IT HURTS! I'M SCARED! I'M WORRIED! I'M TERRIFIED! I'M LONELY! I'M INSIGNIFICANT! I MISS ALREADY! I KNOW I CAN'T! I'M WEAK! I'M SAD! I'M STRESSED! I CAN'T! I CAN'T!
I KNOW THAT IS THE BOTTOM LINE! I CAN'T! For one I can't plan this time of our life! I can't be there to hold the hands of my family as my body goes into repair. I CAN'T! I don't know what lies ahead in God's plan. I don't know how this life will Glorify HIM. I don't know. I feel like Manuel and I have so many things to plan for. I have said before that it would probably be easier if this were something that just happened because I had to go into the hospital unexpectedly. However, to know ahead of time...that's hard...hard to not try to control all of it. I am in constant conversation with God. This is HIS show. This life is not mine right now to control because so much of it I CAN'T! I get so annoyed at the down times (which would be right now) because they hurt so bad. I love however, that HE gets me through these times. Myself wants to go crazy scared and hide and say "NO I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS". And if I didn't pray and talk to God during these times I am positive that is exactly what I would do. Another thing I noticed is that if I don't let Manuel or all of you know the scared side I would not rely on God as much. I am learning that it is all relative, but most of all I CAN'T, but GOD CAN! That makes these down times almost comical. I truely will miss the snuggle bunnies, the sunshine song, the babe, the honey, the sweetie, the smell, the Nee, the curls, the screams, the giggles, the spread, the sunflowers, the Muck Donald's, the Beauty, the everything. I can only hope to be able to miss those things....see that's where I am wrong. I can only hope to be where God wants me to be. Whether that is realizing how fast life goes by or not missing a thing in heaven. We could all probably say the same thing. I will not let my bodily self bring down the soul inside. I will not, I promise. I love this life, this is true and I can't go wrong by letting God take the fear and the misses away for me. One thing I can say for sure is that I am safer in HIS arms than in my own.


I normally read this and edit but today I will leave it uncut. I love you all without a doubt!

"Here I Am to Worship"

We had the best night of worship last night! It was the most amazing night! We went to Ventura Missonary for a free concert featuring Tim Hughes. He is the singer/writer of "Beautiful One" and "Here I Am to Worship". If you haven't heard any of his music you should check him out on i'tunes. I never cease to be amazed by the power of worship. Singing praises to our Father Almighty, our Creator. I had just the slightest glimpse of what it must be like in heaven. Honestly! Yes, here in Ventura! At one point I was just lifting my hands up to HIM as we sang, I looked over to my family and there was Bella clapping and dancing with her daddy, then I looked down and saw my little Analiese both arms raised up to HIM singing with all her might! We were all smiling all happy! This is what the angels in heaven must feel when they sing in heaven. The joy I got out of seeing everyone there, strangers and friends all together to worship HIM, was something I will never forget. Grown men smiling and singing. Little babies falling to sleep with the beautiful sound. Elderly people dancing, singing, and just being young again. Teens down on there knees and some lying on the ground face down humbling themselves in order to give HIM praise. The church was packed every seat seemed to be taken. Anyway, it was an awesome night! HE was glorified through the music that Tim Hughes and his band played. So yes "Here I Am to Worship"!

Discipline

I just have some questions that have been on my mind. So bare with me, I just need to let it out so that I can pray about it. You ever have those times when you know you're supposed to pray about something because it is an area of struggle but you never really do it until you've said it out loud to someone else. That's what this is. If I don't let you guys know I won't fully give it up to the LORD.

In preparing for what is to come I have had a lot of questions. The one that I struggle with every minute that I am with the girls, that's a lot of minutes, is how do I keep myself from becoming ANNOYED MOMMY? I get so annoyed at myself lately! For getting annoyed at the constant frustrations of parenting. How do I still discipline them knowing that soon our lives are going to be lived through visits? How do I punish them when the time will come that I am REALLY sick and can't even tend to them? I thought that being more gentle was going to make it better for all of us. But THEY need discipline! They are driving me crazy! They are use to discipline. Without it they are just bickering back and forth at eachother. I know the answer is to do as we always have and just realize that life will continue, all of the annoyances for sure. I JUST FEEL LIKE YELLING "CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG". I am at such a place of peace right now, believe it or not after reading this, that I don't want the annoying to cloud that for me or the family. It's life! I know! I can't make it more than it is and I can't and am not supposed to ruin GOD'S work by getting "all girlie" on the LIFE MATTERS.

See I feel better know! Feel free to comment, slap some sense into me, laugh, whatever you want. I am here to amuse. I know I have a lot of new readers and hope that I haven't driven you away, but you can comment too! Just click comments, type what you want, sign it, and type the blue letters as they appear! Simple!

Love you!