Hello, again!

Well, the women's retreat was a lot of fun. I took a lot away from it. I really liked that it was only Friday night and Saturday day. I was able to pick up the girls by 4:15. So I didn't have to stay away too long and we all still got family time.

Today Manuel and I are on our way to UCLA. We are leaving in 15 minutes. I will have a series of tests and labs to undergo and of course we will be letting my doctor know what we are thinking as far as "the list".

PLEASE HELP US PRAY:

* TO GET THERE SAFELY
* THE BREATHING TESTS DON'T GET ME TOO TIRED AFTER
* TO BE CALM AND COLLECTED (I AM SO NERVOUS)
* THAT OUR DECISION BE THE RIGHT ONE (THE DIRECTION OF GOD)

We also have Dodger tickets and are hoping to come back for the girls and go tonight. I feel like I am getting sick, because my throat is really hurting. Oh, that's another prayer, that this sore throat go away and I don't get sick. Also, that the family stay healthy. I really want to go to the game but who knows. I love you and hope you have a good day!

In A Rush!

I am at a women's retreat in Agoura! I am having so much fun! Just wanted to say "Hi" before I go back to my room! Bye

WARNING: THIS IS A WEAK MOMENT

It's just so hard! I am emotionally overwhelmed! I'm not being outwardly emotional but in my head there is this section that is going AAAAAAA....OH NO, OH NO, OH NO.....AAAAAAA.....EEEEEKKKK.....AAAAA....
Lately this is the white noise in my head. Most of the time I tune it out and just don't pay any attention to it. However, today I can hear it. There are so many negative things being put in my head right now and NONE of them are from GOD! It feels like this week I can't hear HIM because the noise is SO LOUD! It's not anything that is going to break me it just is so hard! You know that feeling we would all get before a big test in high school? The nervous feeling? The dream that you forgot to study? The lack of confidence? The inability to concentrate? The lack of sleep even though you're trying so hard? I know my prayers are being heard, I know that he is speaking to my heart in a soft whisper, but is it wrong to ask God to YELL at me because I just can't hear over the dumb chaos? I have felt for a long time that the answer to the question on hand (is it time to be put on the list?) has been given to me. Especially when I have prayed specifics and have had the answers in which were being put onto my heart shown to me through the words of a doctor, stranger, bible, bible study, child, friend, and husband. They not knowing what they said and how it came from God because of something I prayed about. But how do I know for sure? I've been asking for a CONFIRMATION to what I believe He is speaking to me. Do you think He is saying "I have already spoken"? Do I know my answer, for sure, if when I think it all through I always end up back at the same thought? Something Manuel said to me this morning keeps playing over and over in my head, "Babe, how long do you think you can go on like this?" Hmmmmm.

UPDATE

Dr. Ardehali examined me, reviewed my health and said that definitely a transplant is needed. No question. We were waiting for this appointment to tell us whether he thought it was time for me to be put on "the list". Even my transplant clinic doctor had said that he wanted to see whether Dr. Ardehali wanted to proceed. So imagine my surprise when he told us that he wants us to tell him when we thought we were ready. He wants to make sure that we fully comprehend the severity of transplantation. He said of all transplantations lungs are the most severe. He wants to know that we fully understand the process in which we will go through pre-transplant and post-transplant. We also met with a social worker in charge of transplant patients. We were given a list of 50-60 medications that I will be taking post transplant. I will get more into those in another post. We now need to talk to our health insurance to find out which of the medications they will cover and which they won't. We found out that many of the immune-suppressant drugs will more than likely be the most expensive. We will also be talking to our insurance about the $$ amount of our yearly and lifetime cap. Manuel told Dr. Ardehali that as of yet we needed to go home pray about it and speak to our insurance. A year ago Manuel had spoken to our insurance and was told that it would be fully covered. We just now need to double check and verify exactly what is covered. Yesterday I realized that I have been waiting for a doctor to be the way in which God was going to let me know whether or not it was time. I now can clearly see, by it being put back in my hands, that the only way that decision is going to get made is by continued prayer on the reassurances that God has been giving us. We stand firm on his promises and know that He will never leave us or forsake us. We can't go wrong if we are having faith in his grip on our lives. I get scared often. Though when I'm scared I remind myself that FEAR is not of God. Don't let me fool you though because it comes often. This is a constant struggle. We are in a fearful situation but we WILL CONTINUE to have faith. WE WILL CONTINUE to seek the Almighty Physician, God, and follow HIM down the narrow path. I had a very emotional day today and I'm glad that I am ending on this note.

What I am claiming today:

Romans 12:1-2 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the
glory that will be revealed in us.

Isaiah 42:6 I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles

PLEASE HELP US PRAY:
1) for God's will to be done in this situation, that our decision be guided by him not our selfish wants
2) for strength for our little family and for our extended family
3) that God somehow and someway provide for the finances of pre-transplant and post-transplant care. That the insurance cover all of it.
4) for communication to go smoothly between doctors, insurance, authorizations, and case managers
Thank you for your love and support! We love you dearly and often pray blessings over you who come here because you care.

APPOINTMENT WITH THE SURGEON

Just wanted to let you know that Manuel and I will be going to UCLA this Wednesday, April 18th. We will be meeting with the surgeon, Dr. Ardehali, who will evaluate me and my lungs. He will give his suggestion on whether he thinks it is time to list me for the double lung transplant. The girls will spend the night with their aunt and uncle on Tuesday night because we have to leave home at 6:30am for an 8 am appointment. I am hoping to post a blog letting you know what happened at our appointment as soon as Wednesday afternoon but might not feel up to it until Thursday. We appreciate all of your prayers and support! I love you, Julie

We're Moving!

I am so excited! Manuel and I (and a lot of friends) have prayed to find a one story house to rent. We've been living in our two story, two bedroom condo for 4 years! It has been great for many reasons, the biggest being that we have a backyard that the girlie's can play in. We hadn't really needed anymore than we've had. We always just figured it would be great if we could have one extra bedroom and be in a detached house. So anyway, we've prayed exactly this "Lord, if it is your will that we buy then please put it upon our hearts and show us the way. However, if it is your will for us to stay where we are then thank you for this house". It has become harder and harder everyday to deal with the stairs. Poor Manuel and Analiese have to run up and down them who knows how many times a day for me. Even little Bella has had to make the trek a couple of times. So our prayer, needless to say, had changed this last year. It became "Lord, please provide an opportunity to rent a detached house that is one story, in a good neighborhood, with good landlords, a backyard, and that is a great deal like Maggy and Tabin's (our good friends). If it could be three bedrooms that would be great! We know that if this is a valid need you will provide and we thank you for that". We prayed this for a year and not only did He answer, HE BROUGHT MAGGY AND TABIN'S DEAL TO US! The same house and the same deal. Never did we think that this would be an option. How awesome is that? We are so grateful for this and so very excited. PRAISE GOD!

Welcome With Prayer

It's not like I don't ever have bad days. They come and go. I have learned to, as weird as this sounds, welcome them and work with them. I know to just stay put on these days. Although today, it hit me hard. Today was a day to pray. I let it affect me. It messed with my happiness. I had one of these days on Monday. Why was it today that hurt my happiness so much? What was different? For one, I let it get to me. I was saddened by being sick. I didn't welcome it. I didn't work with it. I didn't pray immediately. I wish you knew just how many times THIS WEEK God has tried to drill that in my head! PRAY IMMEDIATELY! I better start applying it NOW. I know there are many of you out there who tell me that I am way too hard on myself. I just don't see it that way. I can be hard on myself but when it comes to learning the lessons that God puts before me, it is urgent that I learn them. As urgent as applying the brake in the car. If I don't do it without a thought I will be thrown onto a road full of turmoil. So, I know that these days will come and I have to welcome them with prayer immediately. Even though I was completely out of breath (wheezing like crazy) after two steps today I am chalking one up for GOD! I am still learning and I am willing to learn every step and breath of the way. My friend Laura called and left a message for me today. She said she wasn't sure if today was a good day but that she thought of me when she read her bible today.
He speaks in many different ways, this was one of the ways I heard Him today:

Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good,
a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in Him

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Long Lost Love

I have an uncle whom I've not been very close to. As a kid he use to take us to Universal Studios, parks, and for ice cream. I have always held onto the memories and love we had when I was a little girl. We use to go over to his house and his neighbor had horses that we would go look at. He also use to have some sort of dog kennel, or maybe he just had 10 dogs, I don't remember but it was cool. He lived on a lot that looked over a big canyon and I use to think that the coyotes were going to come over the hedge. I have visions of the many dogs defending me. I remember the house as if I were there yesturday and for that reason I have always wanted a ranch style home with red siding. It looked like a little cottage. Anyway, I have obviously missed this relationship. So much so that I just realized yesturday that I named our turtle after him. Everytime I have had a conversation with him it's been very quick and impersonal, until the other day. I returned a phone call in which he had left me a very heartfelt hello. When I talked to him he was very sweet and talkative. Our conversation ended with him saying "hey, I just want to let you know I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH". Now I get to hold onto that and let go of the little girl thoughts (which was all I had).
I TOO, LOVE YOU VERY MUCH UNCLE HENRY!

Your Dominant Intelligence is Interpersonal Intelligence

You shine in your ability to realate to and understand others. Good at seeing others' points of view, you get how people think and feel. You have an uncanny ability to sense true feelings, intentions, and motivations. A natural born leader, you are great at teaching and mediating conflict. You would make a good counselor, salesperson, politician, or business person.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?